to the version of me that was still waiting

be cool, honey bunny.

to the version of me that was still waiting,

i know where you are right now.

i remember the way your chest felt heavy but hopeful at the same time. how your mind kept trying to make sense of something your heart already understood. how you kept circling back, not because you’re weak… but because you loved fully, honestly, without holding anything back.

i want you to know something first, before anything else:

nothing about how you loved was wrong.

not your softness.

not your depth.

not the way you showed up without fear.

you didn’t “do too much.”

you showed up completely.

and that’s something i still carry with me now.

i know you’re trying to understand what happened. i know you replay the moments where it felt real, because it was real. i know part of you is still holding that quiet possibility… that maybe, someday, things could be different.

and i won’t take that away from you.

but i will tell you this gently:

you don’t need that answer to become whole again.

where i am now… things feel different.

not because i stopped loving.

but because i stopped leaving myself behind in the process.

i don’t wake up wondering anymore.

i don’t measure my worth against what could have been.

i don’t feel pulled to reach for what didn’t stay.

and it’s not because i hardened.

it’s because i finally feel… steady.

you’re going to get here too.

not all at once.

not in some big, dramatic moment.

it happens quietly.

one day you notice the ache isn’t as sharp.

another day you realize you didn’t check your phone the same way.

and then one day…

you just feel like yourself again.

but stronger.

clearer.

and here’s the part i want you to trust, even if it feels far away right now:

if the past ever circles back…

you won’t fold.

you won’t lose yourself in the moment.

you’ll stand there, fully in your own energy, and you’ll be able to see clearly:

what’s real

what’s consistent

what actually meets you

and if it doesn’t?

you’ll walk away without breaking.

i’m proud of you.

for feeling everything.

for not numbing out.

for choosing to stay present even when it hurts.

that’s what built me.

that’s what got me here.

you don’t need to rush.

you don’t need to force healing.

just keep choosing yourself, even in the smallest ways.

i promise you…

i’m worth becoming.

love,

you